Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Emotional Heimlich

So, Pushing Daisies has this great line about a hug being an emotional heimlich where somebody puts their arms around you and squeezes you and all your fear and anxiety come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breathe again. You know what else is like that emotional heimlich? Finding out you are going back to Colorado.

After almost 7 years (really it's barely six and a half, especially if you count all the time spent away), one phone call forced all of the fear and anxiety out of my mouth. It was the biggest wettest wad, and now I can breathe again. It's funny how life comes full circle. I worry and panic and study my butt off (and play a lot of computer games and watch a lot of Alias bloopers) for so many years, and then one day all of a sudden, I'm 30-year-old Jenna Rink realizing I got everything I always wanted. Hopefully that's where the parallel ends and I don't end up wishing for it all to do over again after I realize that I wanted the wrong things. But I don't think I've wanted the wrong things. Not when everybody and their brother has been praying for me, and I've been praying that God's will be done and that I may come to desire whatever that will is. This is how it's supposed to be.

I feel a little bit like I've been waiting for my life to start, which saddens me a little to know that I probably haven't been living life to the fullest because I've been hanging my hopes on the dream of someday being back in Colorado. But mostly, I'm excited. And relieved. Okay, like 90% relieved and 10% excited. But that will change as it gets closer.

One of the best parts is that I don't have to start at Children's right away. I get about a month between the end of my residency and new employee orientation to move my stuff, find a house, and do all the stuff that's been on hold for 7 years. I think I might take a wild and crazy vacation. Go stay at a little bed and breakfast on the New England coast and ride bikes and look for seashells. Or spend a week as a cowgirl in Wyoming, herding cattle on a dude ranch and falling asleep sore and exhausted every night underneath the stars. Or maybe go to Vancouver and see the beauty of British Columbia. Definitely I will be hitting up some Rockies and Rapids games. And spending time with the fam. (Especially since I won't be seeing much of them once I start work as I'll be on the evening shift) I know the time will fly and I'll be hard at work again before I know it, but it can't go any faster than this year has. Look at me still living in the future when I have a perfectly good present.

I'm going to remedy that with a little tuna noodle casserole and some Mad About You. Yes my friends, just me and my comfort food and my couch, enjoying a night off. Thanks for all the prayers. You gave me my emotional heimlich, even if you didn't know that's what you were doing.

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I reserve the right to make this blog as worthless to read as I feel like, and also to write as infrequently as I deem necessary. Just thought I'd let you know since I finally decided to share my blog.