Monday, July 2, 2007

My eyes

I've always wanted to record different reactions that I get about my eyes, so I've decided to record the good, the bad, the ugly, the flattering, and the bizarre.
Here is a good way to bring up my eyes if you are noticing them for the first time:
Me: Did you have any questions about the prescription?
You: No I don't. You have really cool eyes. How much is the copay?
Notice how you don't dwell on it, you don't repeat yourself, you don't stare awkwardly. Just continue the conversation please. If you can't imagine my eyes being legitimate and think they must be contacts, please follow this dialogue:
Me: Hi, I'd like to return these library books and see if I have any fines.
You: Okay. Hey, are those contacts?
Me: No, they're my real eyes.
You: Really, they're neat. Let's see here, it looks like you returned these within the grace period so you don't have any fines.
Me: Great, have a nice day.
Again, no dwelling. If I tell you my eyes are real and you don't believe me, keep it to yourself. Don't ask how they got like that (I stuck pins in my eyes when I was little); don't ask if I see like a normal person (well, I don't notice a difference when I take these eyes out and put in my "normal" eyes); don't ask if people ask me about them all the time (if you did, it probably means others have too). These are all questions that I have to answer over and over and over. I don't know how to answer them. And if people keep staring there's only so much awkward smiling you can do before they feel bad about asking. It's nicer for everyone if you just don't say anything or keep your comments to a nice simple "That's cool."

Reactions vary, but the ones I hate most are the ones where people say, "hey, you'd be great as Catwoman," or "I bet you see great in the dark," or "they should take your eyes and put them on a movie poster, just your eyes." I've had people run away. I've had people question if I was a mutant. I had one lady at Walgreens who wanted to pay me like a circus act for entertaining her. Fortunately, the lady behind her in line talked her into buying a paper heart for the American Heart Association instead. It was the most awkward dollar transaction that I've ever been a part of. One time I even had somebody propose. He said, "Seriously, those are your real eyes? Will you marry me?" I kid you not.

So, understandably, I get tired of answering for my eyes. Yes, I like them, I think they make me unique. I wouldn't trade them and I know there are people out there who think they are perfect and beautiful, but I wish people would stop asking about them. Or at least keep your comments brief and believe me when I say "No, they're my real eyes. I was born this way." If anybody would know, I would.

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I reserve the right to make this blog as worthless to read as I feel like, and also to write as infrequently as I deem necessary. Just thought I'd let you know since I finally decided to share my blog.